This is What You Must Do to Remain Friends with Me.

I admit, I am a germ freak. Like my kid will be the three year old running around the playground with Germ-X, sanitizing everything before he plays. And it really bugs me (my head almost exploded the other day) when people touch my baby without asking. People I know I don't get quite so upset with, BUT THE STRANGERS IN WAL-MART?!? What is WRONG with you! I have had people grab Jonathan's hand which, of course, he sticks in his mouth.

Ew. Ew yuck.

Swine Flu anyone?

It's cold and flu season, yet people seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to get up in Jonathan's face to talk annoying baby-talk to him, breathing germs into his airspace. It's not like he can get up and run away, or even say, "Hey back off! I'm trying to breathe clean air, not your germ-filled pollution!" Nope, the poor little guy has to sit there and endure moronic ramblings about what a smart little boy he is (because you can tell that from the way he drools you know), while inhaling germy perfume-scented air.
No wonder he screams when we go grocery shopping.
So I started bringing the Baby Bjorn because people are less likely to grab at him if he's attached to me. I think it intimidates them.
When people start to reach for him I say, "Please don't touch my baby. Swine flu, you know." And they act like I'm so unreasonable!

So, if you want to remain friends, ask before you touch any part of my baby. And don't be offended when I tell you to wash your hands. And ask you if anyone in your house has been sick in the last three days.

Or, if you don't want to be friends, but want to see my baby, the rules still apply. Because I am his mama and I said so. You can think I'm a freak and you sure won't be the first. But I don't want my baby getting sick all winter long. I'll build his immune system later, thank you very much.

So wash your hands, ask before you touch, and stay away if you are sick, or have been around anyone who is sick.

I am the germ-natzi.

Mwahahahaha...